We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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