no, he came in my armpit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
