I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
