Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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