Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
