man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
