I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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