i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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