you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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