Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
