We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
