I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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