im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
