i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
