it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
