I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
