I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
