Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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