Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
