Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
