get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
