i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
