You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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