i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
