Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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