Pants 0. Shit 1.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
