Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
