I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
