I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
