Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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