Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You ruined the universe
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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