youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
