It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize