I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
