I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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