Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize