Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
