i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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