Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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