I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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