They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
