Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
