He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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