with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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