Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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