Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
