Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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