If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How naked do you want me to be?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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