Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
