It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
