what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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