I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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