went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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