I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
