She said her name was "party"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
