I have demons in me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize