I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
