i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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