dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
