also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize