you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
